I don’t believe in Science, Only Love, Sex, and Myself

     Hello this is Aiden Bernhardt again, I am glad to say that our family finally apprehended the madmen writing those threatening words in the comments section of my previous post. If you did not comprehend a word I just said, that is most likely because you are unfamiliar with the drama that unfolded in the comments section after I posted that story. If that is the case I advise you pay a trip after reading this entry, to the comments section of my previous entry: The Italian Kitchen at the Bowl. After examining the video evidence and backtracking Steven’s IP address, we discovered the location of this villain’s evil lair. He lived in: Shanghai, XuJiaHui, Shama complex, room 1706.
    
     Well, it turns out that the whole thing was a cleverly constructed prank that my dad pulled over all our heads. Not only did he create a fake email account for, and pretend to be the monkey expert from the rare earth animal society, but he was also the private detective person that Steven hired to “track” our family down. Well done Dad. Well done.

     Anyway, what I really want to talk about is fashion. Everyone knows that I am a very, Very, VERY fashion sensitive person. And rightly so, because I believe that what you wear is what you are. For instance, If I were to wear a t-shirt with the words:

          I don’t believe in Science. Only Love, Sex, and myself.


…Then that would be a very straightforward way of letting everyone I meet know exactly what I’m interested in. Ok, jokes aside, I was inspired to write this entry after catching sight of a college aged kid in the subway wearing this particular slogan on his shirt. It was too funny to pass by, so after whipping out a notepad I ended up writing down every single humorous T-shirt I saw for the rest of the day. Somehow in the fashion trends of China, It has become incredibly popular to wear T-shirts with various English phrases printed on them. However, as most of the people wearing these shirts do not speak English reasonably well themselves, they rarely have any idea what it is they are wearing. The words could be a random string of letters for all they care; What matters most to them seems to be the fact that it HAS English written on it in some form or another. The result is a great diversification of what is acceptable English spelling, and also the creation of hilarious phrases that are nonsensical, and occasionally ironic. I am going to stop talking now because I don’t want to spoil the following humor by telling you why the jokes are funny (turns out that’s the best way to ruin a joke (unless of course you are doing it on purpose, then it’s funny (but then again it’s really only funny to you (almost as funny as typing four parentheses in a row)))). Enjoy these T-shirt slogans that I hastily scrawled onto a back page of my sister’s private journal:

          I live for Party Rock. (worn by a plump middle aged woman)

          The filth and the furry fight alone.


          Meals struck to float.


          Death. Deadly. Murderer. (bloody shirt worn by innocent two year old)

          ABCFM LLTZNOCK EDIO QNVMDSN QPVNCM


          A world without strangers <3 (pink shirt. Worn by a hunchbacked, grumpy looking, elderly lady)

          Life is about cheating yourself. (On a really fat guy)

          Go Dunk Yourself


          Blue note Rhapsody it may on key board instruments Involve a glide either upward or                       downward this flatness may take several forms.


And of course, my favorite:
          LOUISIANA. The state located in the southern region.

     Well that’s all for now. We’re going to be taking a vacation in Thailand for the next two weeks, so I suppose you’ll be hearing about that next. Buh bye now. -Aiden